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 night fire my first oc

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Posts : 1
Join date : 2013-07-23

night fire my first oc Empty
PostSubject: night fire my first oc   night fire my first oc EmptyTue Jul 23, 2013 2:31 pm

night fire
Mane:short blacck with green streeks in it
Tail:short black with a green streek in it
Body:bright green short
Cutie Mark:black flame
Age (Baby,adult):20
Personality:dark hateful into bad stalions and ferice when needed
Likes:pain distruction and seeing others injuerd
Dislikes:smileing love and fun
History:she lived in manehattan sense she was a baby
parents were killed while she was young and she grew
up on the streets lived on the dirt were she once
played in with her parents but she learned to care
for herself and was a thief by age 16 she was tired
of being pushed around and tryed to kill herself twice
and didn't have the guys to do it she's been in jail five
times spence she was 16 but now is still feeling worthless
and worst than ever and just wishes her parents didn't leave
her and she would of died with her parents she regrets her
life choice but still she steals and is not trying to stop.

Example RP segment:

hey you stop your under aresst you just robbed that store. the robber turns conner" here
take this i think you need it more"robber says. night fire "thanxs i guess" that was weird
hey nice to see ya officer. gaurdpony"so it was you night ya know i thought more of you
" what was me that robbery yes well mabye it just was well its time to go to the slamer
night sorry but lets go well i guess i should go but i think ill just stay right here
night i mean it now woops my leggs are going im running catch me if you can
slothfficer hey thats offencive come back here.
Your OC is framed by a robber who plants his weapon on him/her.
A Guardpony threatens to take your OC into custody. Given your
OC’s personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies
and addresses the situation
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TPG Head Gamekeeper

Posts : 48
Join date : 2013-07-22
Age : 20
Location : Nowhere...as far as you know

night fire my first oc Empty
PostSubject: Re: night fire my first oc   night fire my first oc EmptyTue Jul 23, 2013 2:34 pm

First, maybe fix the spelling mistakes. Expand on the personality and likes and dislikes. The history is rather bare, add more to that

Mostly the spelling mistakes and grammar errors

Also, add a picture or put a little more description in there

Address these and you should be good
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night fire my first oc
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